Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Porter Dialogues


#1. Porter has recently discovered new found abilities in successfully bullying his little brother. He kicked Grady while Lane was at home with the kids and I was out. I got home just after the fact. Porter had already gotten into trouble from ol'Papa Bear but I needed to have a discussion with him as well.
Me:"That is so mean! You never ever kick Grady. What do you do instead?" (I'm thinking along the lines of hugs and kisses.
Porter: (he scrunches up one eye in serious contemplation and replies) "Spank him?"
Me: "NO!" I take a moment to fully absorb his response and then say, "Hugs and kisses!"
Porter: "Ooooh."
Geesh.

#2. We're eating macaroni and cheese. Lane forgets I only eat like a cow when I'm pregnant and makes me too much so I don't finish. Porter finishes every morsel. He comes up to me after I'm done and says, "Are you done?"
Me: "yep"
Porter: "You're not finished. Are you full?"
Me: "yes, I'm full."
He takes his four fingers and prods my belly twice.
Porter: "You don't feel full."
haha Maybe if I had a six pack I would feel full.

#3. I say to Lane, 'Merci', showing my thanks like the French do.
Porter: "What's merci?'
Me: "It means, 'thank you' in French."
Porter: "Oh. Merci, means spank you in French."

It seems like there's a lot of 'spank you very much' kind of stories (just in case that sounds bad, it's supposed to sound like 'thank you very much'). My babysitter said I could write a book with some of the things Porter comes up with and says. Agreed. Endearing and hilarious.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My Life.


Yesterday: Porter has to take an emergency pee in the parking lot of Michaels. Thank goodness he's a boy. They are truly blessed in the emergency urinary situations and of course vacation road stops.
We make it into Michaels and buy Porter some 'Lellow' paint. We leave Michaels. Enter van. Proceed to exit onto Deerfoot. Porter exclaims, 'I have to peee!'
I say, 'You just went!'
He says, 'I have to gooo!'
There is no where to pull over but the next exit takes us to a friends house. We're driving. He doesn't say a word. The panic is lifted from the atmosphere. We pull up to the house and he I hear unintelligable whining. I run from my side to his side and start to unbuckle his car seat where he suddenly gets a worried look and pees right there in the car seat. I whip him out mid-relief and whip down his pants in the hopes to get most of it not in the van. He finishes off what's left on the sidewalk in front of my friend's neighbor's house. Lovely.
This middle aged woman is going for a nice spring walk when Porter turns around, shows her the family jewels without caring and she sees the wet puddle on the sidewalk. She stops short and crosses the road to the other side. Every second I jump between laughing and being utterly embarassed. I put Porter back in the wet car seat and we drive home.
I throw him in the tub and give Grady something to eat. Grady smears jam and banana in his hair, the food equivalent of cement. I throw him in the tub. Within two minutes Grady poops in the tub where both boys are sitting, full of their bath toys. It is disgusting. It is revolting. I want to punch a wall. DISGUSTING!
I am shocked. I utter some sounds of disgust and whip the boys out of the tub, speedily fish out their toys and empty the tub. Grady is freaking out at this point. I run downstairs and start to wash the tub. We lost Grady's soother at the farmer's market earlier that day and so he just continues to scream, naked but thankfully not peeing anywhere else (probably all in the tub upstairs). Porter tells me Grady is crying because I hurt his feelings. Well, I'm sorry Grady. You get the idea. This was my night, alone with Taz and Mania.
Here's where the story changes. This morning, Porter wakes up and comes into my room telling me he has something to show me. He has made his bed without me even asking and it looks fantastic! Grady is really cuddly and all smiles. He lays his head down on my shoulder and happily eats. Porter and Grady merrily laugh and joke around all through breakfast. The only time they stopped was when I tried to videotape it. We got to Church, visit friends, Porter watches veggie tales, I study for an exam, Grady takes a nap. Lane wakes up and makes a wicked batch of Macaroni and Cheese. Grady goes to bed like an angel after giving me lots and lots of kisses. Porter walks around in his underwear.
'Porter, where are you clothes? Why are you in your underwear?!'
'Mom, I'm getting in my pajamas.'
Wow. What a great child I have to call my own. He gets in his jammies, washes his hands and draws an Easter card for Grandma. I wash his face, brush his teeth, read stories and we cuddle. He loves to fall asleep in my bed and most often I am happy to oblige. He tells me he wants to sing a song to me. He then tells me he needs to stand up on my bed and sing the song so he can see himself in the mirror. Sure, sure, go ahead sweetie.
It goes a little something like this:
I looove my family.
Yes, I doo-oo.
I love Daddy and Grady and youuuu too.
I have to hiccup.
I love my mommy from here to the moon,
from here to the moon,
from here to the moon.
---'Porter I love your song! It's the prettiest song I've ever heard!'
--'Mom, I'm not finished yet.'
--'Oh, sorry Porter.'
From here to the moon,
from here to the moon and back again.
This song is called I love Mommy.

Perfect? I think so. Anyone who disputes is garbage to me. It's amazing the ups and downs of being a Mom. Sometimes it is so overwhelming and hard, and I seem to focus on self pitying and wallowing in my frustration and then it turns around and the little people you love so much show you what it means to them to be loved by you.